Movie #144 -- Kicking and Screaming

Title: Kicking and Screaming

Director: Jesse Dylan

Release Year: 2005

Plot Summary: Phil (Will Ferrell) takes over the coaching duties for his son's soccer team. Inevitably, that teams ends up pitted against Phil's father's team.

Thoughts: I don't know why this movie was such a 'disappointment' at the box office. It's actually quite pleasant and probably much funnier than you're going to give it credit for being.

Sure, the plot is nothing new and the story is VERY jumpy (sometimes to the point where you wonder "Wait... What the hell?") but it's not unbearable. Mike Ditka is surprisingly funny as, well, Mike Ditka.

The real winner here is not character development or plot, but the snappy dialogue. The 'juicebox' bit will have you laughing in a typical damnit-Will-Ferrell-is-funny kinda way. In fact, I think that this may be Will Ferrell's most engaging role to date.

Rating (0-10): 6.6 -- Worth renting, for sure.

Recommendations: I'd watch it again, just to pick up some funny movie quotes. Probably wouldn't buy it, though.

Movie #143 -- Batman and Robin

Title: Batman and Robin

Director: Joel Schumacher

Release Year: 1997

Plot Summary: Batman (George Clooney), Robin (Chris O'Donnell) and Batgirl (Alicia Silverstone -- back when she was still hot) team up to stop Mr. Freeze (Arnold Schwarzenegger) from stealing diamonds for his ice suit. Poison Ivy (Uma Thurman) plays a semi-ambiguous plant lady. Oh, and Alfred is sick with the same... ahh, hell... are you still reading this after "stealing diamonds for his suit"?

Thoughts: There's a reason why most successful trilogies stop at movie number three. Yes, I meant to type that. From the rediculous opening sequence which finds Batman and Robin clicking their heels together to have ice skate blades pop out of the bottom of their boots to play hockey against Mr. Freeze's thugs with a gigantic diamond (not kidding) to [later in the same sequence] SURFING on rocket doors six miles down to earth and then suffering no injuries whatsoever, we know we're in for a bad ride with this one.

Rightfully so, Hollywood was scared to release any more Batman movies for nearly a decade after this piece of crap came out. Although, I will say that there is eye-candy a-plenty in this film in the form of Uma Thurman (who has gone on to bigger and better things), Alicia Silverstone, and a pre-geriatric George Clooney. The action sequences (although completely and utterly rediculous) are shot with care and craft.

The dialogue is awful. I mean INCREDIBLY bad... some of my favorite lines include "I hate to disappoint you, but my rubber lips are immune to your charms." And "You get the ice... I'll get the Ice-Man." And "I call this little number... Bane. Bane of humanity!" And anything that Mr. Freeze says. You know, I think that he could have done really well with a pun machine, because Schwarzenegger uses them all in this movie.

Clooney has been quoted as saying that he "played Batman gay" in this movie. I don't know about that, but I think it's safe to say that Schumacher directed this movie retarded.

Rating (0-10): IMDB has it right on the money with this one -- 3.5

Recommendations: If you like watching movies on drugs or while really drunk, you'll probably like this 'cause it's pretty. If you wanna shoot your television, you should watch it. If yow want to see batnipples, you should watch it.

Movie #142 - Over the Hedge

Title: Over the Hedge

Director: Tim Johnson & Karey Kirkpatrick

Release Year: 2006

Plot Summary: A con-artist raccoon tries to introduce a sensitive turtle, along with other forest creatures, to the temptations of encroaching suburbia.

Thoughts: It was cute, light and fluffy but not in a bad way. Of course they have to have the ubiquitous "really obnoxious twitchy spastic animal for comic relief," but I suppose perfection is more or less unobtainable. RJ the raccoon and Verne the turtle were definitely the stand-out characters, and I really liked them both a lot - heck, I managed to swipe 'em from the giant cardboard standee in the lobby. :P

Recommendations: Dreamworks is no Pixar, but they do good stuff on occasion. This one is worth a view or three.

Movie #141 - X-Men: The Last Stand

Title: X-Men: The Last Stand

Director: Brett Ratner

Release Year: 2006

Plot Summary: When a cure is found to treat mutations, lines are drawn amongst the X-Men, led by Professor Charles Xavier, and the Brotherhood, a band of powerful mutants organized under Xavier's former ally, Magneto.

Thoughts: What a mess. Two different storylines thrown together with nary a thought as to how they can (or even if they should) be reconciled. Honestly, what's the Cure got to do with the Phoenix? Nothing, nada, zilch. They should have just picked one story (preferably the Cure one) and stuck with it. Even though the Cure one was pretty darn nonsensical.

Characters: three main new good guys. Kitty was pretty decent, spunky yet still really young and unexperienced. I think Kelsey Grammar did a good job as Beast, though moreso during "peacetime" - his fighting style left something to be desired, to me at any rate. And Angel was just pointless, since they didn't bother to actually use him for anything. Though at least he got more development than Colossus, who had one line in the entire movie... As for bad guys, honestly the only one worth writing home for was Jamie Madrox, the Multiple Man. He made me chuckle lots. :P

Anyway, without giving away any important plot points, it's pretty obvious that this is at least intended as a stopping point in the franchise. To the degree that I ended up saying "what the hell?!" a few times whilst watching.

Blah. I sure wish Bryan Singer would have finished out the trilogy.

Recommendations: At this point in the franchise, people will have already made up their minds whether or not to see it. Honestly it was just sort of tolerable.

Movie #140 - The Da Vinci Code

Title: The Da Vinci Code

Director: Ron Howard

Release Year: 2006

Plot Summary: A murder inside the Louvre and clues in Da Vinci paintings lead to the discovery of a religious mystery protected by a secret society for two thousand years - which could shake the foundations of Christianity.

Thoughts: I really wasn't expecting much of this movie, so I suppose it surpassed my expectations. In terms of acting, really the only standout was Sir Ian McKellan, but he was really a standout. For a movie with such a recognizable cast, that's actually sort of a disappointment though. Tom Hanks, I have to say, was not terribly charismatic or even interesting as the main character; but then again, Robert Langdon was never a terribly interesting main character to begin with...

As for story... well, I'd be quite surprised if the vast majority of people in the world don't know the basic story by now. I'd say the movie does a decent job of conveying the plotline in a relatively straightforward way. There were a couple points which were poorly explained, but I can't remember anything particularly grievous.

One unreservedly positive thing I can say about this film is that it's quite pretty. The story wanders around in some quite picturesque places, and I enjoyed seeing such various locations as the Louvre, a really spiffy Swiss bank, medieval chapels in London, and so on. Of course I'd really love to travel around Europe amongst other places, so perhaps I'm a bit biased about such things.

Recommendations: Not bad. I'd probably recommend it over the book, just because it's not written nearly as painfully. ;) Anyway it's a fairly enjoyable popcorn flick. Just give it a miss if you're really afraid of being offended by the "message" of the movie, I guess.

Movie #139 - King Kong

Title: King Kong

Director: Peter Jackson

Release Year: 2005

Plot Summary: In 1933 New York, an overly ambitious movie producer coerces his cast and hired ship crew to travel to mysterious Skull Island, where they encounter Kong, a giant ape who is immediately smitten with leading lady Ann Darrow.

Thoughts: It was alright. I guess. Certainly not the OMGBESTMOVIEEVERPETERJACKSONISGODWTFBBQ! I was expecting. I dunno, perhaps it was just built up so much and I waited too long to see it... or maybe it was the fact that I didn't watch it all in one sitting? Regardless. It was just okay.

Special effects? Eh. Maybe I'm just pickier than your average moviegoer, but it's pretty obvious to me that the vast majority of this movie was filmed in front of a green-screen - I can pick out the false backgrounds a mile away, and they definitely jar me out of the movie just enough to be noticeable. I must say the big ape himself was very well-done, though.

Acting? Eh. I really didn't find myself giving much of a damn about any of these characters. As much as I really wanted to like Jack Black in a serious role, I just kept expecting him to bust out in some cartoony antics at any moment. Probably it doesn't help that his "serious" look seems just a little pop-eyed and over-the-top intense for me to take it seriously. Naomi Watts doesn't really affect me either way, but I was really sad that I didn't like Adrien Brody better. What a waste of a great actor.

Stupid plot moments? Oh, it had those in spades. I don't want to spoil anything particularly, but those were some of the dumbest dinosaurs I've ever seen. It didn't make sense, dammit.

Pacing? Eh. This certainly felt like a three-hour movie. And jeezum crow the final scene lasted forever.

Overall? I really don't see what all the fuss was about. Lord of the Rings it ain't.

Recommendations: It's really not that exciting. You could really spend your three hours watching something that's more worth dedicating three hours to.

Movie #138 - Mission: Impossible III

Title: Mission: Impossible III

Director: JJ Abrams

Release Year: 2006

Plot Summary: IMF leader Ethan Hunt comes face to face with a dangerous and sadistic arms dealer while trying to keep his identity secret in order to protect his girlfriend.

Thoughts: Apparently it's the new cool thing to despise Tom Cruise. Well, I dare anyone to say that I've ever been cool! Ha. Regardless, I didn't think M:I:III was half-bad for what it was. The plot was pretty cliché and not awfully interesting, but who goes to an action movie for the plot anyway?

In terms of performances, I thought Cruise, Philip Seymour Hoffman, and Billy Crudup were top-notch all the way. Hoffman especially - he was the whole reason I even was interested in seeing the movie, and I can emphatically say that he did not disappoint as a villain. (Also kudos to Keri Russell for the short time she was on-screen.)

Recommendations: If you like Hoffman, you'll love him in this one. Other than that, it's just your typical mindless action movie. Not that there's anything wrong with that!